Monthly Archives: September 2011

Gratitude

Most folks have heard the term “gratitude list”.  Usually when things are a total mess in ones life, someone will suggest making that list.  That’s how I learned about it anyway.

It was many years ago, and I really didn’t have much hope, to say the least.  I got a notebook, and tried to list the things I was grateful for.  It was hard at first, since I really didn’t have anything at the time.  I was freshly single, with 3 kids, no job, no savings and I was in a new state, without any family or friends.  I didn’t even have my salvation.  I found that notebook recently and this is a few of the things I wrote:

My daughter’s eyes. My son’s eyes. My children’s giggles. My mom & brother. Birds. Fall. My friend Lees’ laugh. The Bible. White clouds against a blue sky.

That was it for my first list.  The short list did grow and eventually I had a whole book of lists from that season in my life. There were a few more seasons that came, where I had to go back and just read those lists to remind me what my blessings were.

Today my list is miles and miles long.  I am Job before Satan messed with him… well, maybe not as wealthy.

The top of my list is my salvation.  I know that no matter what happens in this life, I will be with my God for eternity.  I didn’t deserve it, and I am always in awe that it’s mine.  Second, is my husband.  He’s the bomb.  Really.  My kids are always on my list, even when they are driving me nuts and my mom and family are permanent happy sighs as well.  My friends are like whipped cream and chocolate syrup on my ice-cream.  Some days, when I am noticing,  I will thank God for a green light or even a red one.  There’s that perfect cup of coffee and humming birds hanging out by the window.  A song, a word, a prayer, a hug or a smile.  Laughing to tears and making someone’s day are some all time favorites. There’s lots of food on my list and books, my health and even my occasional sanity.

So, do you have a list?  What is your silver lining in this messy world we live in?  If you have never made a list, I suggest that you do.  It will open your eyes and your heart to all that you are blessed with, and it will be there for you in those times that you might forget.

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Guest Post – Parenting

I have been crazy busy over the past couple of weeks.  Trying to keep a daily exercise program, baseball season for Nick, home-schooling, fulfilling my role as CFO for our company and just taking care of our home, as left sporadic times for writing.  I’ve got a few blogs in the works, and will be posting again soon.  Meanwhile, I do read several other blogs in my morning coffee time, and this one sounded like something I would write.  I always enjoy this blog, and today I thought it was something you would enjoy as well…

Here is a link to it on the Church & Culture site

http://www.churchandculture.org/blog.asp?id=1729

Or you can read it here as well –

Home > Resources > Blog > The Under Protective Parent

Posted: Thursday, September 22, 2011

Last weekend, I launched a series of talks under the title “The Under Protective Parent.”

 The thesis was simple: there is much talk in our day about avoiding being “over protective,” but little to no talk on being “under protective.”
It’s a significant cultural question.
Let’s go back a few decades.
In the 1930s and 40’s, parents and families were conventional, strict, focused on appearance. Then, in 1946, came a book titled Baby and Child Care by a man named Dr. Benjamin Spock, an American pediatrician.
A book which continues to shape us to this day.
Building off of the field of psychoanalysis, Dr. Spock told parents to loosen up, back off, and let the child go. Be more flexible. Treat them as individuals. While he admirably called for love and affection, he often paired that against discipline and control.
Tell your child they are special, loved and unique.
Don’t ever spank them.
Feed them whenever they are hungry.
Don’t try and put them on a schedule.
By 1998 it had sold more than 50 million copies and been translated into 39 languages. Many critics felt that the proof of his advice was in the pudding. They quipped, “What do you get when you raise a generation on the permissive ideas of Dr. Spock, saturate them with rock and roll, introduce them to drugs and alcohol, overshadow them with the threat of nuclear holocaust, and then tell them that God is dead?
The sixties.
Whether that was a result of new parenting styles, or simply the way of the world, the parenting pendulum had swung. From hands on to hands off; from discipline to persuasion; from moral authority to moral influence. And while we may have backed off from some of the more radical ideas Spock put forward that our parents and their parents embraced, here’s what stuck:
The one thing you don’t want to do as a parent is be “over” protective. And we’ve attached all kinds of pejorative words to it.
Hovering.
Smothering.
Babying.
Coddling.
Sheltering.
But it sends a very strong message by insinuation: it’s wrong to be over-protective, but it’s not wrong to be under-protective. If you’re going to make a mistake, make a mistake in being loose, in playing fast and free, in not protecting enough.
Because the one big parenting sin is protecting too much.
Really?
In a world of sexting and Facebook, bullying in schools and internet porn, the Jersey Shore and OC, cutting and hooking up, is it time for hands off or hands on? Time for more Spock, or something else?
Nobody wants to raise kids who are so sheltered that they are socially arrested or incapacitated, or have a parenting style that’s so heavy-handed that it invites resentment and rebellion.
But in our fear of being over-protective, we’ve been under-protective.
We let culture dictate what is normal; if “everyone” is doing it, wearing it, seeing it, going to it, or listening to it, then we feel we will be doing our child damage if we don’t go along.
But parenting by “everyone” is madness.
And if we do it, we’re putting our children’s very childhood at risk.
The assumption with parenting is simple: your children are immature and need your maturity. Yet some parents are more eager to be liked, or accepted by their kids, than they are to be parents to their kids.
So instead of being active, they’re passive.
And in so doing, they drop their protective guard.
The very idea of childhood is that there is a time when a young person is sheltered from certain ideas, experiences, practices, expectations and knowledge. They are sheltered from adult secrets, particularly sexual ones. Certain facets of life – its mysteries, its contradictions, its tragedies, its violence – are not considered suitable for children to know. Only as they grow into adulthood are they revealed in ways that they can assimilate psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.
This is why for years the books that were read in the fourth grade or seventh grade or ninth grade were chosen not only for their vocabulary and syntax, but because their content was considered to contain fourth, seventh or ninth grade information, ideas and experiences.
But when the line between the adult world and the child’s world becomes blurred, or no longer exists, childhood disappears.
So we let our eight-year-olds watch Modern Family or Glee;
…we let our girls dress provocatively and begin dating at ridiculously early ages;
…we ignore the fact that our kids have lied to get on Facebook (you have to be 13), or even lied for them;
…we let “godaddy” commercials come and go without comment, or even changing the channel, while watching the game with our sons;
…we have no idea what Rhianna, Katy Perry or Lady Gaga is singing to them on their iPod;
…and we don’t screen friends.
So am I saying that children should be naive? With all that is in within me, yes! That is what childhood is for. A time for wonderful, beautiful naivete and innocence.
So what should a properly protective parent do?
It’s not complicated:
Be informed, involved and in charge.
To be informed is to know what is going in your child’s world. You know what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with.
To be involved means that you are part of their world. You are not a spectator, you’re a participant.
To be in charge means you are leading their world, creating their world, shaping their world.
This is the difference between being simply a mother or a father,
…and being a parent.
James Emery White
Sources 
Benjamin Spock, Baby and Child Care.
Neil Postman, The Disappearance of Childhood.
You can obtain an mp3 file of the first talk in this series on the Message Downloads page.

Still in the Competition…

I blogged a few weeks back that I had entered a weight loss competition in my community.  I’m still going strong, and I am not about to quit, but it’s been a rough start so far.  This week I will be checking in with our coach and getting my “new” measurements, and some new routines for my workouts.  I know the scale is not the only way to measure how you are doing, and I thank God for that, cause the scale is definitely not my friend yet.  I have a fantastic support system, in the group I’m doing this with, but also with my friends… I have almost daily invitations to walk, and one friend can’t wait to get me to her gym.  My husband and son’s have walked with me and even helped me with my weight training.  Eating healthy hasn’t been as hard as I thought, and I am already used to eating smaller portions. So, how am I doing in the competition?  I have been asked many times, so I thought I would give you all the top ten reasons why I think I might not be in the running, but I am still in the game!

Top ten ways you know you might not be winning a weight loss competition…

  1. You don’t loose any weight the first week.
  2. You miss your first mandatory conference call.
  3. You have oral surgery the first week…pain meds are not conducive to exercise.
  4. You’re the last one up the hill at a group exercise event.
  5. You’re the last one down the hill at a group exercise event.
  6. You run into your trainer at a dessert table.
  7. You already have unchangeable plans, and will miss the biggest group boot camp of the competition.
  8. You exercised with a fellow contestant and you had to lay on a bench while she did extra laps.
  9. When your trainer asked you if you could start taking your coffee black, you responded with, “I’d rather die”.
  10. After you lost 4 pounds, you gain a pound and a half right back

So there you have it.  I’m only 4 weeks in to this 12 week competition.  Despite my rocky start,  I am still motivated – I’ve also come to the conclusion that even though I would love to win this thing, I want to loose weight for myself even more, and I know I can, no matter what.  Really.


Serious Sunday…Accountability

I’ve been thinking about accountability a lot lately.  I’ve been thinking that it’s probably something most people don’t think that much about, but it’s something everyone needs.

When you’re growing up, you have your parents, who, in their best efforts, keep you accountable.  Then, throughout life, we have teachers, coaches, employers and maybe even co-workers that will hold us accountable, at least to the responsibilities we hold in their presence.  If we marry, we have our spouse to hold us accountable, and that’s always fun… So fun, that many marriages end in divorce.

Any recovery or improvement program worth its weight, has an accountability plan.  Everyone knows that to overcome something, you have to have someone you trust, that you can be completely transparent with.  Someone who knows your weaknesses and will speak truth to you, even when you don’t want to hear it.  Better yet, someone who will commit to pray for you.

So, why don’t more people have accountability partners?  I think it’s because most of us don’t like to admit that we have issues.  Fear and pride are pretty big obstacles.  It’s hard to tell someone that you over eat, and the reasons why, or that you look forward to a glass a wine too much, or you loose your temper on your kids, or you like your computer screen more than your spouse.  It’s the same reasons most folks think they don’t need a Savior.  It’s the ultimate deception.

If you are serious about your personal growth and justification, you need to get transparent with someone.  We were created for relationship, and that includes accountability.  It’s not always fun, but it’s real…and worth it.

If you think you don’t have any reason for an accountability relationship, you’re in denial. Really.